Emerging

Butterfly

Hello wonderful peeps – yes, it is I. Long lost but hopefully not forgotten.

It’s been exactly one year since I last posted and I have missed you. But I am back at last! So where have I been? Well, what started as first a slowdown in writing became a full-on break during the run up to my wedding and then life hit me…hard. Let me catch you up on what’s been going on and then we can take it from there….

Shortly after the wedding (which was wonderful and I will share more on that in future posts) my beloved father passed away. He walked me down the aisle and then just two weeks later he was unexpectedly gone. After his death came the holidays and a winter and spring filled with some very serious work stress and several tough trips to Oregon to fulfill my duties as executor. Then, just as I was starting to get back into the swing of things, my mother’s health began to fail and, before we could even believe it possible, she was gone as well.

I cannot sufficiently express the sadness and loss. The grief and stress were devastating, leaving me barely enough energy to maintain critical functions like work and the occasional desultory workout. My ability to focus was completely gone, and normal social interactions required serious effort – to speak without crying, to remember common civilities, to not bore the socks off of everyone I came in contact with just by being so utterly wretched. I trudged through the days and if I didn’t drop any critical responsibilities, had acceptable hygiene, clean clothes, and enough consideration not to be outright rude I considered myself ahead of the game. Needless to say, I did not have the time or the inclination to care about fashion, much less write about it.

Sartorially I was at my most, ahem, essential – ponytailed, bare-faced and even bespectacled as frequent tears made make-up impractical and my contact lens impossible. My sister said it best when wiping her eyes after one particularly teary greeting – “oh crap, there goes another five dollars in eye cream!” (Embarrassingly, nearly anything will still make me cry – happy, sad, funny, just about anything can trigger waterworks). My only nod to maintenance at my former levels is the near-religious upkeep of my hair color, a vanity but necessary as the year’s events dramatically accelerated the silver taking over my roots with none-too-flattering results.

I was able to dress like I meant it for the trips and funerals – I donned a seriously chic Louise Green hat for Dad’s memorial that he would have LOVED and even got a new interview suit queued up as a security against getting laid off. But my usual panache was dimmed, replaced by only occasional glimmers – getting excited about a new season of Project Runway, a Zappos raid, and dressing for a few social events. I didn’t completely lose it and wander around in sweats 24/7, but much of the time I found myself wrapped in what I call “comfort clothes” – layers of forgiving jersey, soothing cashmere, reliable denim, paired with comfortable shoes, adding a bag here or a necklace there for accessories. Nothing complicated or elaborate, just easy, soothing and requiring no thought.

Ever so slowly I am recovering – emerging like a butterfly from a chrysalis. I haven’t quite gotten back into the full swing of things (must confess that I am still enjoying 10 more minutes over my morning coffee rather than spending them doing my make up) but I am getting there. As I awake from the haze of the past nine months I am discovering the need for some other changes, though.

After months of comfort dressing I stood in my closet one morning and it dawned on me – many of the clothes hanging there felt like they were for a different person! Clearly it is time for a rethink. So I am embarking on a period of personal discovery and trying to figure out what, exactly, these new wings are suppose to look like. And I invite you on what I hope is a fashionable journey – do stay tuned!

One Comment to “Emerging”

  1. Mr. Commando says ‘Welcome back!’

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